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All Their Own Work…

                            Did They Really Say That?

  

 

“If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck!”

                                                                                           Elvis Presley.

 

“Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”

                                                                                                                                    Winston Churchill.

 

“I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.”

                                                                                                                                     George Best.

 

“Deep down, I’m pretty superficial.”

                                                           Ava Gardner.

 

“God is in my head, but the devil is in my pants.”

                                                                                  Jonathan Winters

 

“On my gravestone I want to say… “I told you I was sick!”

                                                                                                Tom Waits.

 

“Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”

                                                                                             Benjamin Franklin.

 

“Filipinos want beauty. I have to look beautiful so that the poor Filipinos     will have a star to look at from their slums.”

                            Imelda Marcos.

 

“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”

                                                                                                                           Muhammad Ali.

 

 

 

All Their Own Work…

                            Did They Really Say That?

 

 

“The police got all the best stuff. They’re crookeder than us!”

                                                                     New Orleans looter, post Hurricane Katrina.

 

“Everyone snorts it (cocaine), and everyone knows what happens. Then they make a fuss only when famous people are caught”.

                                                  Donatella Versace.

 

“I’m not an egomaniac like a lot of people say…but I am the world’s best dancer, that’s for sure.”

                                                                                                                                               Michael Flatley.

 

“I’ve played homicidal maniacs… I can certainly play a Republican”.

                                                                                         Alan Alda (in The West Wing).

 

“I dress for women, and undress for men.”

                                                                 Angie Dickinson.

 

“I should think that being my old lady would be all the satisfaction or career any woman needs.”

                                                                                                                                                    Mick Jagger.

 

“I mean, the word ‘great’ stands for something. When you talk about a great actor, you’re not talking about Tom Cruise.”

                                      Lauren Bacall.

 

“With all due respect to the world’s great drummers… it ain’t brain surgery.”

                                                                                                     Mickey Dolenz (drummer The Monkees.)

 

“How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?”

                                                                                                        Zsa Zsa Gabor.

 

“It’s funny the way most people love the dead. Once you’re dead, you are made for life.”

                           Jimi Hendrix. (He is now one of the most successful of dead artists with well over 300 albums released since his death).

 

“You don’t need any brains to listen to music.”                                                                                    .                                                     Luciano Pavarotti.

 

 

 

All Their Own Work…

                            Did They Really Say That?

 

 

 

“Charity is taking an ugly girl out to lunch.”

                                                                        Warren Beatty.

 

“If you said… ‘Tattoo your eyeball or go shopping with your wife’ … I’d f---ing stick the needle in my eye.”

      Ozzy Osbourne.

                                                       

“I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.”

“Where the hell is Australia anyway?”

                                                              Britney Spears.

 

“For Rent: Condom… ONLY $650.”

                                                        Advertisement Jakarta Post.

 

“Do you mind if I sit back a little? ...  because your breath is very bad.”

                                                                                     Donald Trump to T.V. presenter Larry King.

 

“It’s very hard to build in New York City, in this very powerful, very political and frankly…not to be snooty and for lack of a better word, a city run by Philistines.”

                                                    Peter Wheelwright, dept .architecture, Parsons School of Design.

 

“I wanted to perform, I wanted to write songs, and I wanted to get lots of chicks.”

                                                                                                                              James Taylor.

 

“I’m a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.”

                                                                                                                   Zsa Zsa Gabor.

 

“If I only had a little humility, I’d be perfect.”

                                                                         Ted Turner.

 

“It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren’t, then I’d be a teacher.”

                                                                                                           Linda Evangelista.

 

 

All Their Own Work…

                            Did They Really Say That?

 

 

 

“I’d rather be dead than singing ‘Satisfaction’ when I’m forty-five.”

                                                                                                 Mick Jagger.

 

“The British are so incestuous. They pass around partners as if it were popcorn in a movie…. ‘Do you want some?’ It’s just bizarre.”

                                                  Cameron Diaz.

 

“We apologize for the error in last week’s paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce.”

      The Ely Standard.

 

“I’m 21 years old, I run two multimillionaire companies. I work my ass off. Like, what were you doing that was so f—king important at that age?”

                                                                      Nicky Hilton.

 

“You know, if I were a single man, I might ask that mummy out. That’s one good looking mummy!”

     President Bill Clinton (when shown a newly uncovered Inca mummy).

 

“I’m very motivated by money. The only thing that would make me happier is more money.”

                                                                                                                                              Simon Cowell.

 

“If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate.”

                                                                                                     Marion Barry, mayor of Washington D.C.

 

“I am a great mayor; I am an upstanding Christian man; I am an intelligent man; I am a deeply educated man; I am a humble man.”

                                                      Marion Barry.

 

“As long as I sit in this chair, all future catastrophes will be planned by me.”

                                                     President George W. Bush, on national T.V. post Hurricane Katrina.

 

 

 

All Their Own Work…

                            Did They Really Say That?

 

 

“I haven’t read a book in my life. I haven’t got enough time. I prefer to listen to music, although I do love fashion magazines.”

                              Victoria “Posh” Beckham, ex Spice Girl.

 

“Do you want us to come over and shoot her?”

                                 Emergency-services dispatcher in Texas to a woman complaining her 12 year old daughter had kicked a hole in a wall…. the (male) dispatcher was reprimanded.

 

“You call yourself a Christian, I call you a hypocrite…You call yourself a patriot, well I think you’re full of s**t.”

              Mick Jagger, “Sweet Neo Con”, A Bigger Bang album about President George W. Bush.

 

“If you talk to God, that’s a prayer. If God talks back to you, that’s schizophrenia.”

                 Philippine bishop Oscar Cruz (about President Arroyo’s claims to have had conversations with God about political issues).

 

“Reports that say something hasn’t happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns; the ones we don’t know we don’t know.”

                                                                                                 Donald Rumsfeld.

 

“CAUTION: Knife is very sharp. Keep out of children.”

                                                                                   Warning on label.

 

“If we don’t succeed we run the risk of failure.”

                                                                             Dan Quayle.

 

“If you wanted to reduce crime you could – if that were your sole purpose – you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down.”

                                            William Bennett, former U.S. Education Secretary, and now a talk-show host.

 

 

 

All Their Own Work…

                            Did They Really Say That?

 

“I’m not smart enough to debate you point to point, but I have the feeling about 60 per cent of what you say is crap!”

                       David Letterman on THE LATE SHOW to Fox News  commentator Bill O’Reilly.

 

“They’ve gone and killed John Wayne with this movie (Brokeback Mountain)…I’ve been doing this job all my life and I ain’t never met no gay cowboy. It wouldn’t be right. There ain’t no queer in cowboy…”

             Cowboy Jim-Bob Zimmerschied.

 

“If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by    candlelight.”

                                                                                                                     George Gobel.

 

“I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.”

                                                                                         George W. Bush.

 

 

“I say no to drugs, but they don’t listen.”

                                                                  Marilyn Manson.

 

“It’s like when I buy a horse. I don’t want a thick neck and short legs.”

                                            Mickey Rourke (on what he looks for in a woman).

 

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”

                                                                                                  Anon.

 

“I have nothing intelligent to say.”

                                                 Meg Tilly (actress at 1997 Oscars).

 

“CAUTION: Cape does not enable user to fly.”

                                                        Warning label on Batman costume.

 

“Reports are sketchy, but we have heard that in the first heart transplant operation in Belgium, both patient and donor are doing fine.”

                                                                     Radio news announcer.

 

 

 

All Their Own Work…

                            Did They Really Say That?

 

 

“My tax return in the United States has to be kept on a special computer because their normal computers can’t deal with the numbers.”

                                                                 Bill Gates.

 

“I don’t think it’s a big mystery what the girls see in me.”

                                                                                            Hugh Hefner.

 

“I went without sex for a year once, and by the end of it I was getting a bit… well, jumpy.”

                                                                                                                                                Jerry Hall.

 

“When I was a kid I was wild like an animal.”

                                                                         Cameron Diaz.

 

“I have amazing boobs. I do… I know it. They’re not too big, not too small. They’re just perfect.”

                                                                                                                                            Ashlee Simpson.

 

“I am so not a guy…I don’t know anything about cars. But my wife laughs because I can pick out a Kate Spade bag no problem. I have much more girlie hobbies.”

                                                                                                  Rob Thomas.

 

“Whenever I watch T.V. and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean… I would love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”

                                         Incorrectly attributed to Mariah Carey (actually appeared in a British tabloid in a satirical send up of the singer).

 

“I’ve got a talent to act. No matter what any newspaper says about me, I am one of the most sensitive human beings on earth, and I know it.”

                                                                                 Jean Claude van Damme.

 

“Rarely is the question asked… ‘Is our children learning?’

                                                                                    George W. Bush.

 

“Listen, everyone is entitled to my opinion.”

                                                                          Madonna.

 

 

 

All Their Own Work…

                            Did They Really Say That?

 

 

“Boys were always telling me that I had a nice ass.”

                                                                                 Mariah Carey.

 

“Sex really does sell, so I’ll be doing loads of that.”

                                                                                  Kelly Osbourne.

 

“Maybe it’s better I don’t travel to America. Maybe it’s better I don’t work in an area of the business that attracts so many flies.”

                                                       Russell Crowe, actor.

 

“Genghis Khan wasn’t really a bad guy. He just had bad press.”

                                                Mongolian Prime Minister Elbegdorj Tsahkia.

 

“I’m not one of those people who says, ‘Oh no, I can’t wear that because I wore it yesterday’. If it doesn’t smell, it’s fine.”

                                    Keira Knightly.

 

“Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink, and make the combination worthless.”

                                    Milton Friedman

 

“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”

                                                                                                  George W. Bush.

.

“A verbal contract is not worth the paper it’s written.”

                                                                                        Samuel Goldwyn

 

Women don’t make it to the top because they don’t deserve to. They’re crap.”

                                                                    Neil French (former creative director ad co. WPP Group).

 

“We will win because we are not coglione!”

                                                    Ex Italian Prime Minister Silvio Belusconi.

*(Coglione…the Italian word for “testicle”...or “dickhead” in slang.)

 

 

 

 

All Their Own Work…

                            Did They Really Say That?

 

 

 

“I have always hated that damn James Bond. I’d like to kill him.”

                                                                                                 Sean Connery.

 

“You smug, self-righteous swine, self-opinionated sod-minded suet-brained ham-faced mealy-mouthed streptococcus-ridden gang of natural gobdaws.”

                                               Deceased Irish author Flann O’Brien to his readers.

 

“I was the one who hung out with the boys. What I didn’t realise was that after I hit puberty, they all wanted to get into my pants. They couldn’t… so they just said they did.”

                                                                                                                 Evangeline Lilly.

 

“I drank too much, did too many drugs. I have a great admiration for politicians. But I would make a horrible politician.”

                              George Clooney.

 

“You have to be careful not to be upstaged by your breasts. Directors cast the men they want to be, and the women they want to have.”

                                                           Susan Sarandon.

 

“There’s no hotter star around. Do you know anyone who is hotter than me? I’m an absolute brand. There’s no-one like me. Not even Madonna.”

                                                                                    Paris Hilton.

 

“I know I look like an extra from the Planet of the Apes (with all her plastic surgery) but it’s better than the alternative.”

                            Joan Rivers, comedian.

 

“Death is the best thing that can ever happen to a rapper. Almost dying isn’t bad, either.”

                                                                                                                                            Kanye West.

 

“All the hot ones (men) are gay.”

                                                   Paris Hilton.

 

“For the record I like my toes just fine. Not as much as my nipples, but they’re still suck-worthy.”

                                                                                                                                       Teri Hatcher.            

 

 

All Their Own Work…

                            Did They Really Say That?

 

 

“She’s (ex-wife Jane Fonda) one of the most beautiful women I’ve met. She must have been…I gave up three mistresses for her.”

                                                 Ted Turner (billionaire).

                                                                  

“People think I am an artist because my films lose money.”

                                                                                           Woody Allen.

                                

 “Old age is terrible… but the alternative is worse.”

                                                                                Maurice Chevalier.

 

“Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.”

                                                                                    Bill Gates (Microsoft).

 

“Coke (cocaine) is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.”

                                                       Robin Williams (comedian & former addict).

 

“I just brushed her off, I didn’t want to speak to her…breath, yuck, ugly dog, just go talk to someone else. Ring the RSPCA….She smelt, she was black, and she was ugly.”

        Letterio Silvestri,( one of a group of eight men questioned by police re the death of a woman the first night on board a cruise ship. She died from a toxic level of alcohol and a date-rape-drug. The cruise was marketed as a good-time party holiday in an ad showing sexy young bikini-clad women on deck chairs and the caption (“Seamen Wanted”). “She started playing with me…Apparently she helped herself to me…Well I’ve been told that she …started giving me oral sex (he told police). If it was, I was groggy, like, I don’t know if you’ve ever woken up from a sleeping pill, but…it’s pretty groggy and lethargic and you just can’t be bothered. All you want to do is go back to sleep…(The next morning ) There was this fat thing laying in my bed…yeh, it’s like, can you get off?...When I pushed her off the bed, no it was still dark…I am, yeah, pissed (off). How dare this thing f—k my holiday up.” (Newspapers reported that obscene photographs were seized of two of the men engaging in sex with the deceased woman, and that there had been talk of throwing her body overboard before it was discovered).

 

“I’m not like that. I don’t do that sort of thing.”

     (The words a female passenger in an adjoining cabin heard a woman speak that same night, thought to have been the deceased).

 

*P.S. The above quote is so disgusting and disturbing that I thought twice about including it. However, it was splashed over the front pages of our newspapers, and unfortunately, is a reflection of one of the seedier elements in today’s world that needs to be exposed.

    

 

 

All Their Own Work…

                            Did They Really Say That?

 

“To all the bastards who don’t like my music…you’re all adults, you can switch your radio off. I’m the one who sings it, and it’s continued to get me laid.”

                                                           James Blunt (British pop star).

 

“Being a celebrity in Hollywood is like being a poor fish. They tell you you are pretty and then they eat you up.”

                  Teri Hatcher (actress).

 

 “I was being interviewed by four journalists when I did the loudest fart…it almost blew me off my chair. I didn’t admit it was me, though.”

                                                      Jordan (British celebrity).

 

“All their players (French World Cup football team…finalists 2006) have tested positive for being assholes.”

       Cyclist Lance Armstrong…6 times Tour de France winner

.

“Welcome in France, Trouduc.”  

 (Trouduc …short for trou du cul…asshole).

                                                              Front page headline of newspaper France Soir welcoming Lance Armstrong back to France after his comment.

 

“I had an old-man moment the other day. I went into Abercrombie & Fitch (a U.S. clothing shop for mature men) to get some jeans and the music was so loud I couldn’t stay.”

                                                                                                        Harry Connick Jr….singer.

 

“We should all do something for 30 minutes every day to get the heart pumping. I make love to stay in shape.”

               Jamie Foxx…actor.

 

“I would rather run around naked than wear a Speedo.”

                                                                                           Bruce Willis…actor.

 

“I could see why Muslims would hate the West, and the U.S. in particular.”

                                                                                              Lev Grossman…best selling author

 

 

All Their Own Work…

                            Did They Really Say That?

 

 

“A donkey is like a housewife. In fact, the donkey is a shade better, for while the housewife may sometimes complain and walk off to her parents’ home, you’ll never catch the donkey being disloyal to his master.”

            Hindi language textbook Education Board of Rajasthan (India).

 

“There’s nobody in the world like me. I think every decade has an iconic blonde…like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana…and right now, I’m that icon!”

                                                                                   Paris Hilton.

 

“Dolphins get excited, even when you are a human being. I didn’t know this until I was being poked by a few of them, which was very rude. I sort of requested female dolphins after that.”

                                                                                                                             Actor Jessica Alba.

 

“I’m much calmer since I’ve quite (smoking). I haven’t hit anyone or had a public argument in ages!”

       Singer Charlotte Church.

 

“And however you vote, it’s tough to deny that by gambling their careers, three Texas women (The Dixie Chicks) have the biggest balls in American music.”

                                                             Article Time magazine by Josh Tyrangiel.

 

“I don’t have a cell phone. Not because I’m cool…I’m terrified of new technology.”

                                                                                                                      Actor Vince Vaughn.

 

“You’ve got to hate men. You’ve got to man-bash. Then you come back around. Now I love men!”

        Actor Halle Berry.

 

“Of course I’ll get married again! Maybe a couple of times.”

                                                                                              Pamela Anderson.

 

“Any idiot can get laid when they’re famous.”

                                                                       Actor Kevin Bacon.

 

“Life is not fair…get used to it.”

“The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.”

                                                                                   Bill Gates.

                                  

 


 
 
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